Today you were born after a pregnancy of 40 weeks and 4 days. You were born at home, only daddy and mommy were there. You had pooped in the amniotic fluid and came into the world not crying, limp.

The ambulance came after about 10 minutes and immediately started resuscitation. You were taken to Radboudumc in Nijmegen by the MMT (mobile medical team). You received a breathing tube and are being ventilated by the ventilator.

You have monitors on your chest and belly that track your heartbeat and breathing. Around your little hand and foot is a band with a light that checks the oxygen level in your blood (saturation).

When you were admitted to the NICU (Neonatology – ICU), you received a special IV in your little hand. This is in an artery; with this we can continuously measure your blood pressure and take blood from it. So we don’t have to poke you all the time, thankfully.

Due to the resuscitation, there was an oxygen shortage in your brain. To try to prevent further damage, cooling therapy was started. You’re lying in a special cooling suit, which keeps your body temperature at 33.5°C. This will be for 72 hours and then you’ll be slowly warmed up. To monitor your brain activity, you’re connected to the CFM (Cerebral Function Monitor). This is recorded with tiny needles. At this moment we see very little activity, unfortunately.

The coming days will show if there’s any change in the situation. It’s very concerning, dear Saoirse. Until tomorrow, little girl.

With love, Sanne | ICU Neonatology Radboud UMC

What a beautiful girl you are! Mommy thinks you look like daddy, but now with all those monitors on your face and a bandage on your head it’s a bit hard to see.

Daddy and Mommy haven’t left your side since yesterday evening and through the night. They want to be with you as much as possible. Not knowing how long you might still be together here.

You’ve had such a difficult start to your life and it still looks very concerning now. Last night the CFM, which records your brain activity, showed that you had seizure-like activities, for which you received medication. After the phenobarbital, the pattern became calm again but unfortunately without the activities we want to see.

Your ventilation and cooling therapy have continued. The little one looks less pink now, which is good. Mommy already pumped some drops of milk, which you received in your cheek pouch.

How brave your Daddy & Mommy are. So much has happened, there are so many emotions and thoughts but they’re strong together. , mommy strokes your cheek and head, hoping for some reaction from you. The right path for you will become clear. You are so brave and so loved!

Big hug, Marloes
ICU Neonatology Radboud UMC

Today came the bad, sad news. The damage in your brain was so big that the medical team decided that the treatment isn’t proportional anymore. So the treatment will be stopped. Very sad news.

Today they’ve stopped the cooling and removed the CFM.

Tomorrow the respiration tube will be removed and you will pass away.

It’s a hard and difficult decision, very emotional.

Mommy and Daddy are here the whole day, that is very nice for you. Tonight you’ve layed on daddy’s and mommy’s chest.

There were also people/family to meet you and say goodbye.

Your grandparents from Poland are on their way. Your parents are very strong, very loving for you. , you’ve fought, but the damage was too big…

I wish you, your parents and all the family strength and courage.

With love, Sanne | ICU Neonatology Radboud UMC

Yesterday we have brought you home. We have driven you ourselves by car. Your body was loosing color, we made a beautiful bed for you and mommy and daddy had a very needed night sleep.

This morning you have been made very pretty by balming your body. Now when I look at you, you look so calm and peaceful, as if you are simply sleeping. We are lighting candles and come to see you and kiss you every now and then.

Today we have planned our ceremony with you to say goodbye on Friday in the crematorium. It felt both surreal and important to organize these moments that will honor your brief but profound presence in our lives.

Daddy had to go to the municipality to sign you in. This was a very odd thing to do because he needed to sign you in in Oss and at the same time send a document of your passing to the municipality in Nijmegen. These formal requirements feel so strange when compared to the deep emotions we’re experiencing, but they are part of acknowledging that you were here.

We received so much love again today, so many beautiful people reached out and surrounded us with care. We went through a deep healing thanks to our loving friends. Their support helps us navigate these difficult days, and we feel you in every kind word and gesture.

A funny note today is that daddy wanted to blow out a candle but that was surely not what you needed to be done because his hair caught fire and the candle is still burning! Daddy lost a bit of his mustache too! Perhaps you were sending a little reminder that your light should keep shining, or maybe you were giving us a moment of unexpected laughter in these heavy days.

Tonight we will choose the music and design a beautiful card for you. We want every detail to reflect the love we feel and the special place you hold in our hearts. Selecting songs that speak to your spirit and creating a card that captures your essence feels like another way to honor you.

With endless love, Mommy and Daddy

Today was filled with both purpose and emotion as we continued planning for Saoirse’s farewell ceremony. Our home welcomed our beautiful midwife Marley and intern Tess, both of whom were present during those precious and challenging moments when Saoirse came into our lives. Their visit brought a gentle connection between then and now, helping to weave together the threads of Saoirse’s brief but profound journey.

In the quiet moments between planning, we created something tangible to hold onto. We made casts of Saoirse’s tiny feet and hands – delicate impressions that will later become lasting keepsakes, perhaps a necklace or another cherished memento. It’s remarkable how these simple shapes hold so much love and meaning, capturing forever the perfect detail of her being.

The farewell ceremony for our little selkie will take place on Friday, May 16th at 11:00 AM at Crematorium Beuningen. For those unable to attend in person but wishing to join us in spirit, a live stream will be available. We’ll post the link here as soon as it’s arranged, allowing our extended circle of love to participate from afar.

There remains much to do in these coming days – selecting the music, designing meaningful graphics for her ceremony, and attending to the many details that will honor her memory. Though the tasks are many, each one is approached with love, as every choice is a way of expressing what words alone cannot convey.

Thank you for continuing to ride these waves with us.

Today has been a gentle balance of being cared for and caring for all the details of your farewell ceremony. Friends and family have surrounded us with love, massage, bringing food, offering help, and bringing so many gifts for you. You’re space here in the house is getting more colorful every day. 

We are overwhelmed by the financial support we have received, I’m beyond words, thank you soo incredibly much for your support, love, kisses, hugs and tremendous gratitude.

In the preparations today, we have created something beautiful for you. We designed a very special card that reflects your place in our hearts – we will share it on Friday. The process of creating something meaningful was taxing but soo worth it.

Late into the evening, mommy and daddy found themselves recording a song together. This creative connection brought us back to things we cherish and love but haven’t done for a long time. It’s remarkable how even in this deepest sorrow, you bring us back to parts of ourselves that had been set aside. This is your gift to us, little one.

You spent precious time on mommy’s chest today, twice feeling her heartbeat against your peaceful form. For hours, the three of us lay together in bed – a family complete, if only for these fleeting days. We are grateful beyond words for this time with you. These quiet moments of connection are treasures we will carry forever.

It’s interesting to observe how the body and mind become disconnected for a mother in grief. Mommy’s body still needs the physical connection with you, Saoirse, because it doesn’t receive the information from the mind. These moments when you rest against her heart help bridge that gap – a sacred space where love transcends understanding.

Now we are going to sleep, carrying you in our hearts through the night. Tomorrow brings more preparations, but tonight, we rest in the simple knowledge that you are here with us, our beautiful little selkie.

Love always, Mommy and Daddy

I am writing this after the ceremony because towards the ceremony everything got more hectic. The last things needed to be arranged and we were living in a blur of preparations and emotions.

Your mother made a lot of milk for you and we took a moment to bless your precious body with this milk. We put it on your head, arms, legs and your body. Your body changed a bit in color when we did this – a gentle reminder of the connection between you and mama that continues even now.

Then we dressed you in a “hippie dress” with flowers, and to make you even more loveable, we put on a blue hat which made you look like an old school plane pilot. You made us smile in that moment – our little aviator ready for flight. We spent precious time in bed with you, first alone with daddy, then with the three of us together as a family.

Mommy and daddy needed to leave for a little bit to take care of final arrangements, and oma looked after you. She also had a smile when she saw you dressed up like this – you brought joy even in our deepest sorrow.

This was our last night together, the three of us. We held onto every moment, knowing tomorrow would bring our goodbye. But tonight, you were simply our daughter, our little selkie, peaceful and beautiful in our arms.

Love always, Mommy and Daddy