Your tiny feet
never felt the grass
and your little nose
never got to smell
A beautiful spring day.
Your fine hair
never danced in the wind
But your little ears
have heard your mother sing.
Your small hands
never got a chance to play
and your little legs
never stood upon this world.
But you did know love
and you felt that your mommy, daddy and
your family
will love you forever
Dear Saoirse
Today you were born after a pregnancy of 40 weeks and 4 days. You were born at home, only daddy and mommy were there. You had pooped in the amniotic fluid and came into the world not crying, limp.
The ambulance came after about 10 minutes and immediately started resuscitation. You were taken to Radboudumc in Nijmegen by the MMT (mobile medical team). You received a breathing tube and are being ventilated by the ventilator.
You have monitors on your chest and belly that track your heartbeat and breathing. Around your little hand and foot is a band with a light that checks the oxygen level in your blood (saturation).
When you were admitted to the NICU (Neonatology - ICU), you received a special IV in your little hand. This is in an artery; with this we can continuously measure your blood pressure and take blood from it. So we don't have to poke you all the time, thankfully.
Due to the resuscitation, there was an oxygen shortage in your brain. To try to prevent further damage, cooling therapy was started. You're lying in a special cooling suit, which keeps your body temperature at 33.5°C. This will be for 72 hours and then you'll be slowly warmed up. To monitor your brain activity, you're connected to the CFM (Cerebral Function Monitor). This is recorded with tiny needles. At this moment we see very little activity, unfortunately.
The coming days will show if there's any change in the situation. It's very concerning, dear Saoirse. Until tomorrow, little girl.
Here you are in your special cooling suit
Your room in the NICU
Dear Saoirse
What a beautiful girl you are! Mommy thinks you look like daddy, but now with all those monitors on your face and a bandage on your head it's a bit hard to see.
Daddy and Mommy haven't left your side since yesterday evening and through the night. They want to be with you as much as possible. Not knowing how long you might still be together here.
You've had such a difficult start to your life and it still looks very concerning now. Last night the CFM, which records your brain activity, showed that you had seizure-like activities, for which you received medication. After the phenobarbital, the pattern became calm again but unfortunately without the activities we want to see.
Your ventilation and cooling therapy have continued. The little one looks less pink now, which is good. Mommy already pumped some drops of milk, which you received in your cheek pouch.
How brave your Daddy & Mommy are. So much has happened, there are so many emotions and thoughts but they're strong together. Dear Saoirse, mommy strokes your cheek and head, hoping for some reaction from you. The right path for you will become clear. You are so brave and so loved!
Marloes
ICU Neonatology Radboud UMC
Dear Saoirse
Today came the bad, sad news. The damage in your brain was so big that the medical team decided that the treatment isn't proportional anymore. So the treatment will be stopped. Very sad news.
Today they've stopped the cooling and removed the CFM.
Tomorrow the respiration tube will be removed and you will pass away.
It's a hard and difficult decision, very emotional.
Mommy and Daddy are here the whole day, that is very nice for you. Tonight you've layed on daddy's and mommy's chest.
There were also people/family to meet you and say goodbye.
Your grandparents from Poland are on their way. Your parents are very strong, very loving for you. Dear Saoirse, you've fought, but the damage was too big…
I wish you, your parents and all the family strength and courage.
Dear Saoirse
Yesterday we have brought you home. We have driven you ourselves by car. Your body was loosing color, we made a beautiful bed for you and mommy and daddy had a very needed night sleep.
This morning you have been made very pretty by balming your body. Now when I look at you, you look so calm and peaceful, as if you are simply sleeping. We are lighting candles and come to see you and kiss you every now and then.
click to enlarge
Dear Saoirse,
Today we have planned our ceremony with you to say goodbye on Friday in the crematorium. It felt both surreal and important to organize these moments that will honor your brief but profound presence in our lives.
Daddy had to go to the municipality to sign you in. This was a very odd thing to do because he needed to sign you in in Oss and at the same time send a document of your passing to the municipality in Nijmegen. These formal requirements feel so strange when compared to the deep emotions we’re experiencing, but they are part of acknowledging that you were here.
We received so much love again today, so many beautiful people reached out and surrounded us with care. We went through a deep healing thanks to our loving friends. Their support helps us navigate these difficult days, and we feel you in every kind word and gesture.
A funny note today is that daddy wanted to blow out a candle but that was surely not what you needed to be done because his hair caught fire and the candle is still burning! Daddy lost a bit of his mustache too! Perhaps you were sending a little reminder that your light should keep shining, or maybe you were giving us a moment of unexpected laughter in these heavy days.
Tonight we will choose the music and design a beautiful card for you. We want every detail to reflect the love we feel and the special place you hold in our hearts. Selecting songs that speak to your spirit and creating a card that captures your essence feels like another way to honor you.
With endless love, Mommy and Daddy
Today was filled with both purpose and emotion as we continued planning for Saoirse’s farewell ceremony. Our home welcomed our beautiful midwife Marley and intern Tess, both of whom were present during those precious and challenging moments when Saoirse came into our lives. Their visit brought a gentle connection between then and now, helping to weave together the threads of Saoirse’s brief but profound journey.
In the quiet moments between planning, we created something tangible to hold onto. We made casts of Saoirse’s tiny feet and hands – delicate impressions that will later become lasting keepsakes, perhaps a necklace or another cherished memento. It’s remarkable how these simple shapes hold so much love and meaning, capturing forever the perfect detail of her being.
The farewell ceremony for our little selkie will take place on Friday, May 17th at 11:00 AM at Crematorium Beuningen. For those unable to attend in person but wishing to join us in spirit, a live stream will be available. We’ll post the link here as soon as it’s arranged, allowing our extended circle of love to participate from afar.
There remains much to do in these coming days – selecting the music, designing meaningful graphics for her ceremony, and attending to the many details that will honor her memory. Though the tasks are many, each one is approached with love, as every choice is a way of expressing what words alone cannot convey.
Thank you for continuing to ride these waves with us.
Dear Saoirse,
Today has been a gentle balance of being cared for and caring for all the details of your farewell ceremony. Friends and family have surrounded us with love, massage, bringing food, offering help, and bringing so many gifts for you. You’re space here in the house is getting more colorful every day.
We are overwhelmed by the financial support we have received, I’m beyond words, thank you soo incredibly much for your support, love, kisses, hugs and tremendous gratitude.
In the preparations today, we have created something beautiful for you. We designed a very special card that reflects your place in our hearts – we will share it on Friday. The process of creating something meaningful was taxing but soo worth it.
Late into the evening, mommy and daddy found themselves recording a song together. This creative connection brought us back to things we cherish and love but haven’t done for a long time. It’s remarkable how even in this deepest sorrow, you bring us back to parts of ourselves that had been set aside. This is your gift to us, little one.
You spent precious time on mommy’s chest today, twice feeling her heartbeat against your peaceful form. For hours, the three of us lay together in bed – a family complete, if only for these fleeting days. We are grateful beyond words for this time with you. These quiet moments of connection are treasures we will carry forever.
It’s interesting to observe how the body and mind become disconnected for a mother in grief. Mommy’s body still needs the physical connection with you, Saoirse, because it doesn’t receive the information from the mind. These moments when you rest against her heart help bridge that gap – a sacred space where love transcends understanding.
Now we are going to sleep, carrying you in our hearts through the night. Tomorrow brings more preparations, but tonight, we rest in the simple knowledge that you are here with us, our beautiful little selkie.
Love always, Mommy and Daddy
Saoirse, I was so looking forward to going for a walk with you and mom.
Walking like a proud grandma over the Kolluk to show my beautiful special granddaughter.
But I never heard you cry, I never got to see your beautiful eyes, never saw your little foot kick,
your little hands grab.
I will always miss you and you have a special place in my heart.
Marianne, Oma of Saoirse
From Saoirse's Mom and Dad
We are eternally grateful for the beautiful and loving healthcare that Saoirse received. We were fully insured for all medical care, which has given us an enormous head start in our grieving process. The dedicated care and compassion from every medical professional was a true blessing during our most difficult time.
Unfortunately, we are not insured for the funeral and for creating lasting memories of our precious Saoirse. These costs amount to approximately €4,000. After saying goodbye to Saoirse, we will also need counseling and therapy, which is not covered by our insurance.
If you would like to support us during this difficult time, any contribution toward these expenses would be deeply appreciated. Every gesture of kindness, no matter the size, helps us honor Saoirse’s memory and begin our healing journey.
We are overwhelmed by the financial support we have received, Beyond words, Thank you soo incredibly much for your support, love, kisses, hugs and tremendous gratitude.
has been donated to help with Saoirse’s farewell and our healing journey.
For international transfers
Use credit card using stripe or use a direct bank transfer using the details below
Sebastiaan Castenmiller
Koolwijksestraat 10
5373KB Herpen, Netherlands
IBAN
NL93 REVO 4381 8220 13
BIC- / SWIFT-code
REVONL22
Name and adres of the bank
Revolut Bank UAB
Barbara Strozzilaan 201, 1083 HN, Amsterdam, Netherlands
Stay Connected
More updates will follow as we navigate our journey with Saoirse’s memory. If you would like to stay informed about upcoming services, memorial events, or ways to honor Saoirse, please leave your email address below.
We’ll only send important updates about matters related to Saoirse, and we deeply respect your privacy.
Saoirse - Our Little Selkie
Saoirse’s name was chosen from the beautiful animated film “Song of the Sea,” where the young girl Saoirse discovers she is a selkie – a mythical being from Celtic folklore. In the legend, selkies are magical creatures who shed their seal skins to become human on land.
Now more than ever, we see our Saoirse as our little selkie. Like the mythical beings who must return to the sea, our daughter was called back to the ocean too soon. But just as selkies leave behind their love and magic when they return to the waves, Saoirse has left us with an extraordinary love that will never fade.
The film speaks of love that transcends physical presence, of bonds that can never truly be broken, and of the magic found in the sea’s eternal embrace. These themes have become profoundly meaningful to us.
6 Comments
Lieve Saoirse,
Al zo lang werd er met zoveel liefde uitgekeken naar jouw komst en stelde ik me jou regelmatig voor in mijn hoofd. Ik had allerlei beelden van jou met mijn eigen dochter Ymara, hoe jullie samen zouden spelen, dansen, muziek zouden maken. Lekker met blote voetjes in het gras. Hoe jouw mama en papa en wij allemaal gezellig zouden picknicken bij een vuurtje of gezellig binnen bij koud weer. Ik zag het allemaal voor me.
Toen ik het slechte nieuws kreeg zakte ik door de grond, ik kon niet geloven dat het echt waar was. Het duurde even voordat ik weer terug was in het hier en nu. Later die dag in het ziekenhuis zag ik als eerste jouw papa. Ik kon alleen maar huilen en wensen dat het niet echt was, dat we allemaal wakker zouden worden en dat het allemaal een droom was, een nachtmerrie. Toen ik jouw mama zag brak ik in duizend stukjes. Zoveel liefde die jouw mama voor jou voelt en niet aan je kan geven, maar jouw mama is zo sterk! Jouw papa die zo stevig als een rots is en jouw mama kan dragen. Zoveel bewondering voor jouw lieve ouders!
Jouw papa en mama hebben je de hele tijd om de beurt tegen zich aan gehad. Ze wilde elk moment die ze nog hadden met jou opzuigen als een spons. Zoveel liefde heb ik al zo lang niet meer gevoeld! Jouw kleine lijfje, maar o zoveel en grote hoeveelheid liefde en energie om je heen. Je hebt veel gedaan met mij, nog steeds, ongelooflijk hoe je dat voor elkaar hebt gekregen in zo’n korte tijd!
Zo dankbaar dat ik dat heb mee mogen maken. Al zo lang stond ik in de overlevingsstand en was voelen en dichtbij mezelf en mijn emoties staan eerder uitzondering dan regel. Maar sinds ik jou heb mogen ontmoeten kan ik alleen maar huilen en voelen. Eindelijk voel ik mezelf weer! Ik voel weer dat we allemaal liefde zijn, pure liefde! En dat we vanuit liefde mogen leven in plaats van alleen maar verplichtingen nakomen en dingen ‘moeten’.
Sinds ik jou heb ontmoet voel ik meer liefde dan ooit voor Ymara, mijn eigen kindje die jouw vriendinnetje had mogen zijn. Ik wil niks liever dan elk moment die ik met Ymara heb koesteren, beleven met al mijn aandacht en liefde en haar alleen maar knuffelen en kusjes geven. Iets wat ik ook aan jou had willen geven en jouw ouders ook.
Dus dank je wel dat ik hieraan word herinnerd, dat ik weer mag voelen dat ik mens ben, emoties heb, dichtbij mezelf mag staan en vanuit liefde mag leven en handelen. Niet meer worden beheerst door angsten, schuldgevoelens en spijt. Dankzij jou voel ik me weer dichtbij mezelf, met al mijn gevoelens, verdriet, emoties en rouw. Zoveel liefde die ik graag met jou had willen delen, maar nu in overvloed ga delen met de mensen om me heen. Vooral jouw papa en mama die mij zo dierbaar zijn krijgen zoveel liefde die ze maar aankunnen. Dank je wel voor het openen van die poort!
Ik hoop je nog lang dichtbij me te mogen voelen en zal je nooit vergeten. Voor altijd in mijn hart..
Lieve Sebastiaan & Maria,
Hou elkaar vast in deze moeilijke tijd en in de toekomst en Saoirse in jullie herinnering en in jullie hart.
Zoals jullie zitten ook in mijn hart.
Dearest Soarise,
Although I met you only in my imagination I know you have brought perfection, boundless and eternal Love to this world,
I miss your little being
I miss your sweetest smell
I miss your joyful gurgle
You were Love and returned to Love
Auntie Dobri
Lieve Saoirse,
Toen ik je ouders leerden kennen vertelden zij mij los van elkaar dat ze een grote kinderwens hadden. Er werd al van je gehouden voordat je groeide in je moeders buik. Ik herinner me het telefoontje van je moeder met het grote nieuws dat je ouders in blijde verwachting waren. De vreugde was overweldigend en intens. Ik zag je mama haar buik groeien, liefdevol gesteund door je papa. Je mama heeft zich in acht genomen door goed naar haar lichaam te luisteren en gepaste rust te nemen. Je ouders waren zielsgelukkig en wilden zich heel goed voorbereiden op je komst. Ze deden alles wat binnen de mogelijkheden lag om een warm nest voor jou te maken, waar je zorgeloos zou kunnen opgroeien met je grootouders dicht in de buurt. Ook je nichtjes verheugden zich erg op je komst en zochten boekjes uit die ze voor zouden kunnen lezen aan je. Dit werd heel serieus besproken en aangepakt. Alleen de mooiste verhaaltjes voor jou zodat je lekker ontspannen zou kunnen luisteren en genieten. Ook je mama leerde steeds meer Nederlands omdat dat de geboortetaal van je vader is. Je grootmoeder in Polen stuurden aan je mama mooie pakketjes met spulletjes voor jou en stond bij met raad en daad op afstand. Familie en vrienden leefden mee, dichtbij of wat verder weg. Gelukkig is daar mobiele communicatie en internet. Ik heb ook gefantaseerd over hoe je eruit zou zien en of je net zulke krullen als je papa zou hebben. Op de foto zie ik een heel mooi lief klein meisje. Je bent prachtig. Dat kan ook niet anders met 2 van die knappe ouders…
Op dit moment brand ik kaarsjes voor jou, je ouders en alle mensen die steun en kracht kunnen gebruiken om dit grote verlies te dragen en een plek te geven.
Ik weet dat jij nu een plekje hebt tussen de sterren. Je zal altijd meekijken met je lieve ouders en hen bijstaan in hun proces van rouw en verwerking. Ook bij mij heb je een plekje in mijn hart.
Hartegroet, auntie Brigitte xxx
Lieve Saoirse, gisteren heb ik je voor het eerst gezien. Voor mij ben je een heel bijzonder kindje. Je hebt bij mij een gevoel achtergelaten wat ik nog nooit eerder heb gevoeld. Het is voor mij heel speciaal. Zulke liefdevolle ouders gun je toch iedereen. Jammer, dat dit niet langer mocht duren. Ik ben heel blij, dat ik je nog even heb gezien. Dikke knuffel en kus van tante Jeannette. Xxx
Share Your Thoughts and Memories
We’ve created this space for you to share your thoughts, memories, and messages of support.
Though words may feel inadequate at times like these, your expressions of love mean the world to us.
If Saoirse touched your heart, even from afar, or if you simply wish to offer words of comfort, please feel welcome to leave a comment below.
Each message becomes part of the tapestry of love surrounding Saoirse’s memory, and we treasure every thread.
With gratitude,
Maria & Sebastiaan